Eating Disorders - For partners

My partner has an eating disorder - what do I do?

Our immediate reaction can be one of anger or frustration. We may feel we've been deceived or lied to. We may feel hopeless or useless. The first thing to realize is that you cannot "rescue" your partner. No matter how hard you try, you cannot solve or fix their problems for them. The sufferer must choose their recovery for themselves. You can be a support and provide gentle encouragement. But all your raging and pushing can only push the sufferer deeper into into their addiction as they try to reach for control and escape.

The best thing you can do is to love your partner unconditionally.

Wow - it sounds trite, and it sounds hard. It is hard. But the best thing you can do is to stand on the sideline cheering your partner on as they begin to reach for recovery. There may be many setbacks and relapses on the way. But if you can be strong, be stable, and ensure your partner that you accept them "warts and all" - they can be free to choose their healing.

During any initial weight gain, the sufferer can be extremely vulnerable, and feel like their weight is spinning out of control. You can gently encourage them that it is okay, that they are not spinning out of control. Be careful of your negative comments, especially comments about their weight.

Upskill and educate yourself. Read some books on the subject and try to understand a little of what is going on. This can help you make a "safe place" so that your partner can talk to you without fear of reprisal. It can be very very difficult to understand why your partner would choose to do what they are doing. It can help to think of the Anorexia or Bulimia as a separate "thing" and that your partner is a victim of an addictive disorder.

Help - this is too hard!

Sometimes the family or loved ones of an eating disorder sufferer can benefit from a support group or even someone to talk to about what is going on. There are a lot of emotions to deal with - and it helps to have someone to share with (but choose wisely).

It is hard trying to stand by and be supportive. Many of us just want to run away. Hang in there and get help when you need it. Just remember that nobody is perfect, and most of us some kind of issues or addictions in our lives.